The First Three Weeks

DIARY-A

Early Hours:

 I’m climbing back from a hole that was black

But I’m not exactly sure what I think about that

Inside & Outside:

 I tell them all what they all want to hear

But I’m not really sure that I make myself clear

Setbacks:

 To fix my soul, each day I plan – one tiny little goal

But then it seems each day I fix just what I can’t control

The System:

They told me all that I must do

They gave me meds so I won’t be blue

But when I try to carry through

They say “Oh no we are not for you”

                    *****

 Poor Eliza’s dear old Alfred P

Was in some ways exactly like me

Yet he was happy, he did not want more,

So unlike him I do deplore

That I am part of the undeserving poor

         

        Meds and Moods:

          The meds I’m on, they make me woozy

          But at least for now I’m not a boozey

                              *****

          My BP is low and then it is HIGH

          First I’m in a hole than I’m in the sky

                              *****

          My moods they shift from high to low

          Sometimes I talk fast and then I talk slow

 

TEARS:

 I cry because a stupid cat

Just brought in a big dead rat

 *****

Yes I do believe that money can talk

It says “Without me life is dust and chalk”

  *****

I pace around when on the phone I talk

And when it RINGS I cry and balk

I don’t like people, I can’t tolerate crowds

And I’m most upset at anything loud

  *****

I feel sometimes I just can’t cope

And at those times I misplace hope

But then I think “No don’t wallow, don’t misbehave

It is just that you have become afraid

So rejoice that you still have your work

Even if you’re just a lowly clerk”

  *****

I’m so ashamed when I shake and cry

And sometimes I really don’t even know why

Yet other times I can explain

But even then it causes pain

 APOLOGIES:

 When I stop leaking from my eyes

I’m going to have to apologize

It really hard but I must explain

Exactly why I did not refrain

It wasn’t just that I’m mad through and through

It’s just it seemed the right thing to do

I really know you all were there

It is just that I didn’t seem to care

AnaisNin